Saturday, February 27, 2016

Say Cheese!

I'm really enjoying this whole weekend concept. I've got carbs for breakfast, carbs to drink, carbs for lunch, carbs to snack on, carbs for dinner, and carbs for dessert. Overall, I'd say I need more carbs in my diet, you think?

Blueberry muffins are perfect for and perfectly suitable for breakfast. Muffins are a brilliant justification to eat cupcakes for breakfast, but, in reality, they really are not equivalent to cupcakes in any way except shape. Muffins are not as sweet and are not cake. They are muffin. Muffin ≠ cake.

When I got to my parents' house, I was extremely pleasantly surprised, elated even, to find more melted chocolate ice cream!

Later on that night, in celebration of the Royals World Series Championship, my family and I visited a popular attraction in Kansas City. A billboard featuring Salvador Perez pouring a big cooler of water (by day) and blue sports drink (by night).

From there, Sidney and I headed to the Plaza to meet her family at one of the many Houses of Gains. This time, it was The Cheesecake Factory. Being a Saturday evening, there were hoards and hoards of people. The wait at the House of Gains was in excess of and hour and half. With that, Sidney and her family decided to hop on over next door and go clothes shopping. Not being about that life, and since it was such a beautiful evening, I decided to walk around and window shop. And by window shop, I mean look at cars. It was a relatively successful adventure.

As previously pointed out by Sidney's mother, I ventured down the street to gander at a brand new Ferrari California T parked curbside.

Not my favorite Ferrari, but a Ferrari nonetheless.

I wandered down the sidewalk, and there was a veritable cavalcade of mid-'50s and early-60's automobiles. A little further down and around the corner, I came across the newly-opened Tesla dealership. It's doors were wide open, so I walked on in. I sat in a Model S P90D. With a base price of $119,000, I ordered two and I was on my way.

After this little excursion, our table was nearly ready. I walked back to the House of Gains and soon enough, gains were on the table.

Obligatory bread. I had a couple pieces; nothing too extreme.

I order "a lot of ranch" with my dinner, which they always bring out way before the meal itself. I'm not one to sit with ranch in front of me and do nothing. Resisting my urge to straight up drink the ranch, the only food on the table was the bread. So yes, I was that guy. I was the guy sitting in the corner dipping his bread in ranch. It was delicious, and I have no regrets.

With much persevering and self-control, I was able to preserve a majority of my ranch for its originally intended purpose. Which was this...

Spicy Crispy Chicken sandwich with pepper jack cheese and lettuce on a brioche bun with sweet potato fries on the side. Please and thank you! This is what I've ordered the past 6 or so times that I've patronized this establishment, and I can't see myself deviating from this anytime in the future. It's just really that good.

But, being named after the dessert, one simply does not order cheesecake. This time around, Sidney and I shared a slice of Toasted Marshmallow Cheesecake. A cheesier rendition of the classic s'more, this chocolate based cake came with marshmallow fluff poured over the top and then torched, along with a square of graham cracker and ample shots of whipped cream.

This was delicious, and I ended up eating most of it. And as if this dessert wasn't enough, I was treated to a little after dinner mint. Parked in the valet of a rather expensive steakhouse was a Ferrari 458. Apologies for the picture quality, but it is more symbolic than anything.

Overall, this was a really good day. The combination of family, food, and cars is impossible to beat. 

Friday, February 26, 2016


Like I can't and won't refuse an offer of free food, I similarly will not refuse an offer of discounted frozen dairy products. This is especially true on lifting days. In my everlasting pursuit of post-workout carbs, sometimes I keep my course and other times I hit the jackpot. Today was one of those latter instances. I received a promotional text message from a local frozen yogurt place, and, luckily for me, it was a day that I would lifting! Thus, immediately after leaving the gym, I drove straight to this House of Gains and had me some brozen brogurt!!

The offer was $4 for as much frozen yogurt and as many toppings as one could fit in a cup. To really take advantage of this offer, I needed to fill that cup with as many gains as possible. 

It's a little difficult to ascertain, but in this cup were generous portions of brownie batter yogurt and cookies and cream yogurt mixed with, again, a generous amount of cookie dough pieces, all topped with mini donuts, a literal brownie, and some incredibly conspicuous sour gummy worms. Being frozen yogurt, there was very little fat involved in this concoction, so what you're looking at is almost entirely sugar. Perfect for a post-workout recovery snack.

When I got home, I found some strawberry cookies. Well, cookie, really. At any rate, I had two of these cookies or 1/5 of this cookie, depending on how you look at it. 

Next, I found some brotein! After all of the day's sweets so far, I needed a change of pace, and this was the best way. Some tender and delicious pot roast with some potatoes and carrots really hit the spot, and allowed me to mercilessly stuff my face with the knowledge that all this brotein was going straight into my muscles. My muscles were growing faster than Mr. Potter's arm bones disappear during a misused Brackium Emendo charm.

For dessert round one, I found a scone. But an ordinary scone this was not. This scone was hand-crafted with love...and strawberries. Warmed up in the microwave, this scone delivered its carby goodness to my muscles at an even faster rate.

To wash down this strawberry-y goodness, I headed to the fridge and poured a glass of milk. Not wanting the milk to feel lonely, I supplemented it with a fresh blueberry muffin. With that, I've covered almost every kind of berry, which satisfied me immensely. I was done. I was happy and done eating for the day.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Sliding My Way Into Hugeness

Today. Wow. What can be said about today? What a day today was! It started off well enough. I was prepared, or so I thought, for the long haul with a quiver of bars to get me through my day.

I had my usual breakfast bar, and the day seemed to be on par. I received a grade on a homework assignment in my Systematics class that seemed a little knit-picky, but I chalked it up to a lack of experience. Moving on, the reading assignment for today in my English class was cancelled in favor of watching War of the Worlds to compare it to the original novel, The War of the Worlds. This was much to my delight, and for reasons twofold. One, I really dislike reading. I suffer from novelepsy, and for whatever reason I fall asleep whenever I attempt to read novels. I can read nearly everything else in perfect wakefulness, but novels, nope. Two, I really like Spielberg's take on the classic Martian invasion/apocalypse scenario originally penned by H.G. Wells. That is pretty much where this day went from tolerable to dispirited. 

During my 45-minute break between classes in which I normally eat my lunch, I actually forgot to do so today. I remembered 10 minutes before my class, which is enough time, but still rather irksome. The class itself was rather irksome as well, and then it really went downhill again.

A new homework assignment had been posted in my Systematics class, so a friend of mine and I decided to work on it. It turned out to be more confusing than we had anticipated, adding to our hysteria. We eventually called it a day and resolved to seek assistance. But believe it or not, this wasn't the worst part of the day. That honor belongs to physics. Oh physics, how I wish you would be more cooperative. My physics lab involved testing various properties of circuits, like potential difference, current, and resistance. Easy enough in theory, yes. However, the multimeters we were using, while working fine initially, all blew their fuses at exactly the same time. All but one meter were rendered inoperable. Oh, how the frustrations mounted. On top of this, we have to calculate uncertainty and experimental error. If you've ever had to do this, you know how terrible and tedious it is. This was the low point of the day. 

On the bright side, the high point of the day was just around the corner now. I got home and ate all the remaining sliders from yesterday, while watching a NOVA anthropological documentary about the history and relationship between Homo sapiens and Homo neanderthalensis, the combination of which instantly lifted my spirits and my metabolism and my hugeness.  

Overall, I've had better days, but I'm going to bed happy. That's important.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Gastrointestinally Risqué

If I thought yesterday was grandiose, I had another thing coming today. By the end of the day, I would be sitting in open-mouthed wonderment, struck by the sheer abundance and purity of the gains that were made today.

It, in perfectly expected fashion, started off with a brotein bar. I had a couple more bars for lunch/pre-workout, and I didn't bother to take any pictures. After a decent workout, I strayed from my norm of downing protein shakes. Stemming from some minor food sanitation issues (hundreds of illnesses stemming from the consumption of food from there), Chipotle very kindly offered me a coupon for a free burrito. Obviously, like literally everyone else, I was a semi-frequent patron of Chipotle, greatly adoring their burritos and burrito bowls. But, ever since their lackadaisical food safety practices resulted in the aforementioned multiple outbreaks of Escherichia coli, Salmonella, and norovirus, I had been quite hesitant to patronize the chain. I didn't find the idea of any of those organisms/viruses being artificially introduced to my body at pathogenic levels, all for a burrito or burrito bowl.

Well, at least at first.

Having not heard any news of any new outbreaks in the past couple months, I began to entertain the idea of lifting my self-imposed embargo. The final straw in this decision came in the form of the possibility of a free burrito. Me being offered free food is like offering dog peanut butter. It is simply impossible to resist. That being said, I quickly jumped through all the hoops and read through all the overly cute and ineffective pseudorelatable slang, eventually gaining access to a Quick Response code.

So, ravaged from my unexpectedly intense arm workouts (so, I'm a bro after all), Sidney and I quickly made our way to the nearest Chipotle. As soon as it was my turn to tempt fate and risk death, I ordered a burrito. I got double brown rice, black beans, chicken, fajita vegetables, green chile salsa, sour cream, extra cheese, and lettuce. By the time everything had been added, the tortilla wasn't big enough to wrap it completely, nor was the foil large enough to completely enclose the tortilla.

At first, I attempted to eat it as a burrito, but I very quickly realized that that was just not going to work.

By this time, it was quickly becoming more like a burrito bowl.

Getting still closer yet...

We're in the bowl, aaannnnddd...

There; we made it! Transformation complete. It now resembles a traditional burrito bowl, with the addition of a flour tortilla blended in. It was delicious, and very much worth the risk. (I say that because, as of this moment, I am presenting no symptoms. I'll report back if that changes.)

With my reintroduction seemingly a success, I was feeling overjoyed. One, because I was able to enjoy once again the pleasures of Chipotle, and two because I knew I had just consumed the best post-workout ever. I mean, it had brotein in the chicken (and potentially in the E. coli in the lettuce and fajita vegetables), and it had carbs in the brown rice and tortilla. What more could you ask for?? Nothing.

And then dinner came around. And, to my utter enjoyment, it was perfect for a post-workout meal. There were carbs galore, some brotein, and tons of wonderfully delicious taste sensations.

Ham and cheese sliders on little buns with jalapeño kettle chips is such a great meal, and not just for days when many a heavy object was thus hoisted. I could and would eat this any time. It's so good, that I even happened to so heavily underestimate my level of consumption on the first go around that I ended up taking more for seconds than I had taken initially. 

I exhausted the supply jalapeño chips, so I delved into the previously unopened bag of regular kettle chips, which paired equally as amazingly with these sliders. I could go on and on, but there's more that I need to get to.

Of course, no workout day would be complete without some carby dessert. However, instead of my usual ice cream, there was a different option available today. Arising from the necessity to use ingredients before their impending expiration dates, the so called and literal dump cake was upon me. The dump cake itself was but yet another great way on a workout day to not only recover and get huge but also enjoy the simple pleasures of eating. 

I can only hope that future workout days will be as productive as this one.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Pasta Me Crazy

A day that would become something grandiose in scale would start unassuming, with expectations curbed to a minimum. A brotein bar jump started my metabolism, and from there some more bars of various macronutrient content kept me alive a little longer. I labored away on occasionally trivial burdens (physics homework) while impatiently awaiting the time at which my final class of the day would begin. While on campus I subsist on those aforementioned varying bars. Needless to say, I become reasonably longing of more substantial edibles. That being said, these bars get me through the day with ease while allowing me to pack light.

But...after my last class, wrought with gustatory strife, I waste no time finding more those more substantial edibles. Today, I was met with what would transform this unassuming day into the grandiose production that it was.

BOOM. That is all. 

Even though I didn't lift a single weight today, I ate mostly carbs. I've fully committed myself to a lifestyle of getting huge (at least for now). This amazing dinner consisted of a creamy, cheesy, zesty, chickeny pasta with some wonderfully seasoned bread. I feel huge.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Graham of a Day

Non-traditional. For breakfast, I had cereal. But with the theme of non-tradition, it was delivered to my muscles via my Blender Bottle. Rather inefficient, yes. But convenient for travel, also yes. The milk was vacated from the bottle much quicker than the little pieces of cinnamon cereals, but it all worked out in the end. 

I knew today would be a leg day at the gym, and that I didn't get much sleep last night, so I wanted some fast carbs before my workout. What I settled for was also a little non-traditional.

Graham crackers provide the perfect blend of flavor, instacarbs, and portability that I'm looking for in an effective pre-workout snack.

I had a scoop of brotein after my workout to rebuild my ravage leg muscles. 

I came home and searched for some more fast carbs. I didn't want to eat more graham crackers, because variety is the spice of life! What I found, though, was even better. 

Italian bread. Such simple a pleasure is the ultra soft, fluffy, white bread, sucrose analog goodness that I could not resist eating three slices. I didn't even liberally slather them with butter. I ate them raw, and I enjoyed them in their most basic form. I cherished every bite, knowing that the pleasureful taste would so quickly end up in my muscles.

I attempted some homework, but after a solid five minutes of attempting, I found myself in the midst of a decent three hour recovery nap. When I awoke, I felt refreshed. But I was hungry, and, more importantly, in need of some serious gains to rebuild the large (in theory) muscle groups that make up my legs. 

I found some homemade Chinese style chicken and mushrooms. I proceeded to eat two very full bowls of the stuff. It was another perfect blend of taste and gains. It really doesn't get any better than tasty gains. But, alas, I was still in need. I delved into the depths of the refrigerator and, lo and behold, discovered the remnants of ye olde lasagna of yore.

This was just what I needed to top off my gains and recovery for the day. But not really.

I got back to my workout day tradition. You know, the tradition.

A combination of chocolate almond and chocolate moose tracks ice creams sent me off to gains lala land. Sweet dreams.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

One More Weekend Day

Building on yesterday, and not being able to resist more nostalgia for breakfast, I repeated yesterday and had a nice big bowl of Golden Grahams.

This was my sustenance for the better part of five hours. Having a job really interferes with my ability to get huge by eating every three hours. But, no matter! After getting a free hair removal demo, I supplemented my breakfast with some filler calories.

Who knew that free hair removal was available to all who can withstand holding their arm over a professional gas cooktop for extended periods of time? Say "goodbye" to traditional laser hair removal and "HELLO" to body hair removal by fire!

Having parted ways with my much beloved right arm hair, I consoled in a plate of cold curried chicken "salad" with noodles and some warm steamed carrots with basil.

This would hold me over until dinner. After watching Deadpool we headed over to Granite City. While everyone was perusing the menu, I never once peered within. Before we even walked through the door, my mind was made up. I always order the cajun pasta. With its sausage, chicken, penne, and other assorted ingredients, along with its perfectly creamy sauce, it is perfect for satisfying taste buds and muscle cells alike.

This picture does possibly the least justice ever to a food dish by a picture ever. There was way more in that bowl than it appears. Granted, it wasn't remotely substantial enough to begin to question the likelihood of me finishing all of it, but it was enough to leave me satisfied.

After our main courses, possible dessert options were debated ad nauseam. The eventual consensus landed on Sheridan's, so we made the cross parking lot excursion. Upon arriving, I saw a sign for "Red Velvet Oreo Smash" and that was all needed. I present, the Red Velvet Oreo Smash:

It was surprisingly tasty. I usually get a concrete with just cookie dough. But this gave that a real run for its money. I'm sure its a temporary addition to the menu, and the next time I happen to return it'll be gone. But maybe not. I hope not. I want more!

02.20.2016 was a BIG day!

This weekend, I experienced a change of pace, a departure from the brotein bar monopoly. And by departure, I mean I ate almost no protein all weekend. There was one exception, but that's later on. On Saturday (the day in question in this post), I began the day with an old favorite. A year ago, I would eat this particular breakfast item, although ironically never for breakfast, nearly every day. Back then, I only ate carbs after working out, and not at all on non-workout days. On those glorious workout day, one of my go to sources of carbs and massive gains was cereal. But not just any cereal. I found that Golden Grahams was the perfect combination of muscle-building sweetness and muscle-building other carbiness. I would eat, on average, two decently sized bowls of the stuff. And I hadn't tasted it since then. Until...

*"Also sprach Zarathustra" playing in background...

With these nostalgic carbs now securely inside my stomach and swiftly making their way toward my muscles, I decided for a little brotein chaser. This turned out to be an extreme outlier on the weekend, and as such can't be counted as official. But it consisted of a piece of chicken breast with special spices, and two grilled chicken thighs, again with special spices.

This was all I had to eat for the better part of the day since I knew I would be feasting rather heavily later on. And by "rather" heavily I mean "we're going to a new buffet and I must try everything and eat as much as physically possible" heavily. That being said, that is exactly what happened. It was an Asian food buffet consisting of Chinese and American fare on the main buffet, a limited selection of sushi (and sashimi upon request), and a Mongolian style grill. I slightly refine my selection to the main buffet consisting of precooked foods, but even then there was a fairly big selection. If I tried to name everything on my first plate, I highly doubt know what, I'll give it a shot. 

There was some jalapeño chicken, some honey chicken, some black pepper chicken, some General Tso's chicken, some chicken skewers, a chicken wing (technically a drumette), a frog leg, a crab rangoon, a crispy fried shrimp, another sort of shrimp with the shell (and head) still on, some roast beef, some fried rice, and some lo mein. There! I think that's it!

It was all really good for the most part. I was naturally drawn to the various chicken recipes, as well as the lo mein and the crab rangoons. I got some more of each of those things as well as some cheesy crab meat casserole thingy.

At this point, I was getting a little satiated, but still far from full. Any decent buffet will feature an assortment of delicious desserts, so I went on The Hunt. Of the items that I discovered, what I deemed worthy of trying are as follows. There was some tapioca pudding, strawberry gelatin, mandarin slices, pitted loquats, peach slices, pineapple slices, various flavors of ice cream (I chose chocolate fudge), and those staple Chinese doughnuts.

I got three of the doughnut thingies as an homage to the gulab jamun challenge of yore. I stopped after these three, however.

All in all, I'm sure I ended up eating way more than was required to get huge, so I guess I'll just be getting even huger than I thought. Oh well!