Saturday, April 16, 2016

Tankurrito Challenge

In light of the recent Randy Santel hype train that's been rolling through our lives, I accompanied Quinn and Andrew to Lupita's Mexican Restaurant in Topeka so that they could take on the "Tankurrito" 6-pound burrito challenge.

But more on that later.

First, my food. Since I wouldn't be participating in this challenge, I actually ate breakfast. And by breakfast, I mean actual food and not 25,000 mL of water. Anyway, like all other Market breakfasts, both in the past and in the future, my breakfast this morning consisted of a breakfast burrito with the best salsa ever made. 

I like to show this progression because, in a way, it allows me to more accurately relive this glorious moment. I opted for the burrito with sausage today, just because I wanted some extra brotein. 

After the market, having nearly sold out of everything, one of the few survivors would become lunch (part 1).

This is most likely the best blueberry muffin ever made (see a trend?). Since it's a non-lifting day and I'm cutting, I justified this much carbs by agreeing to split this muffing with Sidney. In all honesty, she may have gotten slightly more than half, which is alright. At least I'm still getting lean. 

Just kidding. When we got home, I found this waiting for me.

It's a chocolate banana nut chocolate chip muffin. Pretty much it's a chocolate banana bread muffin. I again justified this muffin by splitting it in half with Sidney.

It was so good that by the time I finished it I didn't even care how many calories/carbs were in it. I'll still get lean, though, because I'm awesome.

And then it was time. 

Time for a moment all of us have been waiting for in anxious anticipation for quite some time. We've been watching Randy Santel's videos almost against our wills and definitely against our better judgments for the past several weeks. One of them was the Lupita's Burrito Challenge. That one in particular has been watched over and over this past week in preparation for today. When we arrived on location, the gravity of the situation was finally starting to set in.

You know it's serious when you have to call a day in advance to order the thing. But that was all done. It was now time to take on the Tankurrito Challenge.

It should be noted that when Randy attempted the challenge, it had previously been undefeated. That was 4 years ago. Since then, he's still the only one to ever finish it. He did it in 10'44", which really isn't human. But in light of their demolition of Habaneros' 5-pounder last weekend, they rightly felt up to this task. 

First, the owner of Lupita's couldn't have been more excited about Quinn and Andrew taking on this challenge. From the moment we walked in, he was all over the place with excitement. It's also important to note that he's also one of the nicest guys I've ever met. He offered to sit the competitors in the middle of a big room at their own small tables. He double checked that the ingredients in the burrito were to Quinn's and Andrew's satisfaction. He pretty much went out of his way to make sure this whole thing went as smoothly as possible. You can tell he has so much pride in the restaurant that his mother founded 21 years ago. His excitement is really infectious. 

When the burritos were brought out, he set up his phone and Live Streamed the challenge on Facebook. This dude was seriously pumped!

All meals over $6 come with complimentary chips and salsa. 

But obviously since neither Quinn nor Andrew would be eating them, I smashed them all.

But to the challenge itself. These burritos were HYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!!

Let's go through a rundown of what this thing is literally made of. 

1 pound of beef
1 pound of chicken
1 pound of rice
1 pound of beans
1/4 pound of shredded cheese
1/4 pound of sour cream
1/4 pound of pico de gallo
1/4 pound of lettuce
5 12" flour tortillas custom made for this challenge (weighing 1 pound total)

This adds up to exactly 6 pounds. They made both burritos identical, but they still needed to add the queso on top. This actually pushed the grand total to over 6 pounds.

This scale had been tared to account for the weight of the plate. You can see the needle advancing to 6.5 pounds.

But enough of these formalities. It was time to eat. The 60-minute time limit would begin in 3...2...1...

They both started off strong. Quinn, in particular, had about a quarter of it gone within about 5 minutes. He kept going and soon had half of it down with probably 15 minutes elapsed. But things slowed down. The dryness of the ingredients and the utter thickness of these tortillas were quite the challenge. Seriously though, these tortillas were almost as thick as naan. And there were 5 of them. Long story short, Quinn ate 6 pounds and Andrew ate 5.75 pounds. The main takeaway from this experience, for me at least, is that my respect for Randy Santel grew exponentially upon witnessing this challenge in person. Not only did he finish it, but he did it in 10 minutes. He's unreal.

I sampled a little bit of the leftovers after the 60-minute time limit had come and gone. The food was cold and mostly consisted of tortilla, but from what I tasted, I would definitely come back. It was delicious! With food this good, I have no idea how these two couldn't finish these things!

When I got back home, having, against my best efforts, not eaten, I warmed up some burgers from a couple nights ago. I had some cheese, onions, lettuce, and ketchup to go along with them. I buttered and heavily toasted the buns. They were delicious too!

Overall, it was (for me) a good food day. I had some delicious market food, some tasty authentic Mexican leftovers, and some wonderful burgers. And I really don't think I blew my calorie limit by too much, though I know for sure that I didn't hit my brotein goal. Ah well, it was worth it!

I'm not sure, however, if Quinn or Andrew share the same opinion.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Picking Up "Sticks"

As usual, I had a brotein shake for breakfast.

I had  chocolate chip cookie dough Luna bar for lunch.

I then skipped the gym, as I had some manual labor to attend to. I was asked if I would be available to pick up sticks this afternoon. I agreed, wondering how hard picking up sticks could really be.


There was, I would later find out, an issue with semantics that went straight over my bro meathead.

First, I grew up in the suburbs. While not inherently a problem at all, I am now living on a farm. The farm is in full swing of planting and all that goes with that. That means the fields need to be prepared for such merriment. And I, upon agreeing to pick up sticks in a field, was picturing little twigs fallen from a mighty oak tree at the behest of mother nature's majestic and powerful winds.

Again, idiot.

You see, I'm perfectly fine with picking up sticks. But picking up  "sticks" is a different thing entirely.

You see, in farm lingo, "sticks" is a euphemism for "trees" and "roots that are stuck a quarter mile down into the Earth that require swinging an ax repeatedly to remove while hoping you retain all of your toes, feet, shins, and legs."

By the time I realized I was out of shape, it was too late to turn back. But let me tell you, the next five minutes were even worse than the first. Eventually, I just bro-ed up and tackled these fields like a heavy set of curls. When the ax swinging got really intense, I was thankful that I hadn't gone to the gym today. Today was my shoulder day, and swinging an ax is apparently hard on my shoulder. I felt as though my right deltoid was getting HUGE, so I actually enjoyed it. Plus it's an experience that I didn't have access to in my formative years.

In all honesty, while manual labor might not be the most enjoyable activity in the world, I really appreciated this experience for its difference from my normal life. Complacency can get the best of anyone, so its nice to mix it up occasionally. And as a biology major, I really enjoyed learning an alternate definition for the term "sticks."

Now, walking around in fields for hours after having only consumed a scoop of brotein, a scoop of BCAAs, and a brotein bar isn't necessarily ideal from an energy standpoint. Expending quite a lot of energy having only eaten about 350 calories in the previous 16 hours can lead to severe fatigue and hunger. In fact, I kept singing in my head the titular chorus to Tim McGraw's song "Humble and Kind," except the words eventually (quickly) became, "...always stay hungry and whine." Although I wasn't actually whining, a certain gastrointestinal organ of mine certainly was (emphasis on gastro).

Eventually, though, we reached a point where we felt relatively confident that we had made a dent in the number of sticks in the three fields we combed, so it was time to go home. When I returned home, Sidney and her mother took great joy in proclaiming my hygienic state as "the dirtiest [I]'ve probably ever been." This suburban jab went to such extremes that they insisted on taking pictures of me to send to my mother, in order to inform her that I have finally done some "real work."

As you can see, I'm literally covered from head to toe in dirt. In fact, I'm rather surprised that there's anything left in the field other than some bedrock and liquid hot magma.

To demonstrate this state more clearly, they insisted on taking pictures of my arms. You can clearly see where my wristbands and watchstrap had been, as the sharp contrast from clean, pale white goes to the color of dirt rather abruptly.

The only thing that this mocking picture taking accomplished, in my mind, was the impediment to me getting food. I eventually succeeded, but not before the incredibly laborious and frivolous comportments of showering and changing clothes.

But after all that, finally I was able to get some nourishment. (I should mention that, being a bro, I didn't think I would need much water while working in the fields. After all, I never drink water during my workouts in the gym. Why would this be any different? Well, I was obviously wrong, and when I got home I downed 4 glasses of water.)

This is a bowl of quinoa and what Sidney's family calls "Drunken Pintos." It's a mixture of pinto beans, some meat, and some veggies of some kind. All I know is that it tastes amazing. And if you don't believe that there is any quinoa in this bowl since none is visible, here's this.

You'll just have to trust that I actually got some. I earned these carbs today. I may be accidentally getting huge by accident, but I was ravenous, and I didn't care. In the interest of full disclosure, I also had three milk chocolate-covered peanuts too. So there.

There was also some cheese, of which I almost forgot about. But I was reminded, and it made into my bowl.

After this, and in the style of 1 month ago me, I got more.

This time, though, I didn't get any quinoa. I am cutting after all!

And as it turned out, the Eat Outside Index (EOI), popularized by Gary Lezak, was at a 11/10 today. It was 73 degrees F with a slight breeze. Absolutely stunning weather.

And with that, I bring to an end a surprisingly busy and interesting day, a tiring day, a good day.

04.14.2014 Reunions

In accordance with the continuation of my cut, I once again had a brotein shake for breakfast. This, of course, came after my BCAA shake, seeing as it's a non-lifting day (aka a potato day).

For lunch, I was treated to a nice change of scenery. I made my long overdue return to Mrs. E's as a patron. I caught up with old friends whom I haven't seen in ages, I walked around without the feeling of working in the Dish Room looming over my head, and I casually perused the selection of exquisite fares on offer. 

That last bit may have been slightly dramatized, but eh, it sounded good. Anyway, after I had completed my perusing, I settled on the highest-brotein-containing items I could find. Luckily they were ones that I have known previously to taste decent. 

The first item was a chicken and biscuit sandwich. I got two. I spiced them up with a slice of pepper jack for each. The second item was fried cod. I got 4, because they were rather tiny. There were some curious looking fries dubbed "sindwinder" fries, and I simply had to sample them. I grabbed 2 fries. This was the entirety of my lunch, and was slightly more carby than I would've liked, but it was worth it for the company.

Not to fear, both sandwiches had both top and bottom biscuits. The top biscuit of the proximal sandwich has been removed to illustrate the presence of the cheese.

Seeing as how this lunch was quite a bit larger than my usual lunch of a brotein bar, I skipped the bar today. I instead reserved this bar for a mid-afternoon snack around 1600 or so.

By now, it may or may not be clear that I was approaching my daily calorie goal. But Sidney had made burgers, and she had mentioned that they were yummy. When I got home after my physics lab, I broke out the burger patties, heated one up, dressed it up with some cheese, onions, lettuce, ketchup, and a splash of hot sauce, then nestled it comfortably in a bun.

I'll say that this burger definitely lived up to the Sidney standard of excellence. It was delicious.

And I've got a bit of good news. While I was 42 grams of brotein short of my daily goal, I was only 215 calories over. This is actually a rather negligible difference, especially over the course of even just a week or so. Getting to enjoy not only one but two "actual" meals was completely worth it. It was a good day for food today.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Pink Liquid

I'm really getting into the swing of this cut. Now that I've got my brotein, my BCAAs, and my chicken, I'm a veritable loose cannon of potential leanness. This morning for breakfast, I again had a brotein shake.

For lunch/pre-workout I had a classic brotein bar.

For my post workout recovery, I of course had a brotein shake. But I mixed in my BCAA concoction as well. Now, this all seems perfectly rational. And it is. Except for one thing. My brotein is chocolate brownie-flavored. My BCAA mix is Blue Raspberry. These aren't two flavors I would immediately assume pleasantly complement each other, but what the heck. I dumped both powders in my Blender Bottle and started fervently shaking away. As I was feverishly shaking, I thought of chocolate covered raspberries, and my hopes were thus immediately heightened. Now anxious to taste what I hoped would be magic, I popped the cap off my bottle and took a large sip. 

My hopes were fulfilled! But not in the way I had expected. My concoction did not taste like chocolate covered raspberries, or chocolate covered blue raspberries, whatever blue raspberries are. No, my concoction tasted like...wait for it...wait for it...

...wait for it...

...wait for it...

Now, what you have to realize is that this is quite simply the best tasting medicine of all time. This bubble gum flavored and highly viscous fluid comes out of the refrigerator nice and chilled, and I haven't tasted it in almost forever. But as soon as my chocolate brownie blue raspberry mixture touched my lips, I was so quickly taken aback that I stopped in my tracks and marveled. I marveled at my discovery and I embraced the corresponding nostalgia, though not longing to return to the past but instead reflecting on the past with fondness while beaming with excitement for the future.

When I got home, I started preparing my dinner. As a reminder, my daily brotein goal is about 185 grams of the stuff. With this in mind, my favorite way to achieve this is through the magical powers of chicken. Today, this magic was bestowed in the form of boneless and skinless chicken thighs. They were frozen solid, but instead of thawing them out or messing with them in any way, I threw them straight on to the George Foreman grill. A little while and some BroScience later, they were done. Using the chicken thigh nutrition information that I found in the seemingly infinite MyFitnessPal databases, I calculated that I needed to eat about 1.5 pounds of chicken thighs to reach my brotein goal. So without further ado, I present 1.5(3X) pounds of chicken thighs. 

To add the spice of variety to such a quantity of chicken, I had my trusty ketchup by my side. In all honesty, though, I regularly eat chicken with ketchup, even when it's not out of necessity. It's just such a good combination. Using my food scale, I measure out 85 grams of ketchup, which is exactly 5 servings good for 100 total calories. 

This actually left me about 580 calories shy of my daily limit of 1,848. I decided that I would treat myself to a nice little treat. 

A nice little carby treat consisting of a couple pieces of garlic bread were absolutely perfect. Not only was it nice to taste something carby and delicious today, and although I don't know the exact nutrition info for these pieces of bread, I am certain that these two pieces were under 580 calories. That means that not only did I hit my brotein goal, I was actually under my calories goal. And while being two low on calories may not always be a good thing, as long as I get my brotein in I'll be alright!

Because BroScience.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Cutting (With) Carbs

It's not easy to hit my daily brotein goals. Ideally, I would be ingesting 185 grams of the stuff, but Andrew has me second me second guessing my whey brotein supplementation. After all, I don't want my kidneys to fail or anything. But I'll push the limit and listen to my body, and I'll do whatever it tells me. 

I started the day off with some branched chain amino acids (L, I, and V).

I then added some whey brotein.

For lunch and then a snack, I added a couple Luna Brotein bars. 

Later this evening upon returning home, I found some pizza waiting for me.

Desperate for a little brotein, I cooked up 4 eggs.

I plopped 'em down right on top of the pizza. It was a good time. 

When the yolks broke, the combination of egg white, egg yolk, and pizza was actually very delicious. 

But, still being in desperate need of brotein, and even more so now with all the carbs I just ate, I did what I do best. I put 2 scoops of brotein powder in my Blender Bottle and drank it.

That was the end of my caloric day.

Monday, April 11, 2016

No More Cheating!!!

Finally, you guys understand what cheating is all about, and all it took was a 5-pound burrito to do it. Jeez. Anyway, today, I was still full enough from said burrito that I straight skipped breakfast altogether. I even skipped lunch and my pre-workout. My workout went surprisingly well on a (presumably) empty stomach.

In honor of student employment week, there were granola bars being handed out in the lobby of the Rec. I took advantage of this for my post-workout recovery.

I also had a protein shake once I got home.

A little later, I had a couple chicken legs.

And then a little later yet I had a pound of chicken thighs...

...with some ketchup, of course, because chicken and ketchup go together amazingly well.

All totaled, I ate about 1,200 calories today, and not once did I feel hungry. But don't worry, I'm sure that 5 pounds of burrito had enough calories to hold me over for a few weeks yet.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Final Cheat


5-pound burrito

I finished it, but not within the 30 minutes allowed for the official challenge. 

Quinn and Andrew, though, blasted this challenge. Quinn finished it in 10 minutes 30 seconds. Andrew in 12 minutes 25 seconds. Quinn was the second fastest to ever eat this 2 ft long 5 lb burrito. It was quite something to behold. 

For real, shout out to Quinn and Andrew for being huge. 

To celebrate, we ate some cake. There were these incredibly generous people in the restaurant celebrating a birthday in the family and they so graciously offered Quinn, Andrew, and myself a slice of ice cream cake.