Saturday, January 30, 2016

A Carb Concerto

Today was an unusual day. None of the previous week's established dietary routines were followed. In fact, they were utterly abandoned. I effectively skipped breakfast to attend ESPN's College GameDay live broadcast from Allen Fieldhouse, because Jayhawk Basketball. While filling me up with pride and school spirit, this left me in a sustenance deficit. To alleviate any impending smallness, I went with my mother to an old Lawrence favorite.

Yes, a long-standing heavyweight in the submarine sandwich market, Yellow Sub offers a superior alternative to other options. Upon delivery of my sandwich, I was pleased to find that upon the foil wrapper the staff had taken the time to describe my physical appearance.

I must be doing something right! Alas, in all seriousness, I soon realized the error in my thinking. The flattering description of my physique scribbled upon the foil was in reality in reference to the buffalo chicken sub contained therein. My dejection, and with it my awareness of the world around me, soon melted into oblivious bliss as I unwrapped and began to eat the wonderfulness that is anything buffalo chicken related, the remainder of my senses being overpowered by taste alone.

Since this lunch occurred past midday, I didn't have to wait long for dinner. This was especially true since later in the night I would be attending a concert. This meant that dinner would take place a littler earlier than normal. Gosh darn it.

I got a burrito filled with steak, rice, beans, and some other stuff. And of course it was covered with queso.

Also, importantly, this dinner was at a restaurant in downtown Lawrence. And, according to Bro Code, any dinner that takes place in downtown Lawrence must be followed with a trip to the best ice cream shop. Seriously, I've a LOT of ice cream, and the ice cream from Sylas and Maddie's is the best. IN. THE. WORLD.

This particular example is a SINGLE, which is 2 "small" scoops, one of Triple Fudge and one of Da Bomb (sweet cream base with cookie dough, chocolate flakes, and Oreos), in the most delicious homemade waffle cone ever. A malt ball serves as the plug in the bottom. By the way, in case you're wondering, a double is also two scoops, but the scoops are noticeably larger. In all honesty, I could live at this place.

Friday, January 29, 2016

Here, Have a Cookie

Ahhh, today. What a wonderful day. A truly fabulous day. Part of what made today so great is the fact that the temperature was in the mid-60s for most of the day. In January, also known as cold, grey, gloom, a sunny and warm day is much appreciated. Today, when I was walking to class in shorts, I actually wasn't cold! And yes, I wear shorts every day, regardless of the weather. And no, it's not because I feel the need to flaunt my bro strength. But that is an added benefit.

With the weather so nice today, it would be easy to assume that my food choices would also be on the upswing. Well, to start the day, that would be completely and utterly wrong. I had a brotein bar for breakfast, 2 for lunch/preworkout, and 2 scoops of protein post-workout. But, alas, it would only get better.

Since I went to the gym today, I am allowed an infinite amount of carbs today, never mind the fact that I pretty much only did shoulders and a little bit of core. But that doesn't matter. Just the fact that I stepped into the gym means that I can stuff my face with as many carb-heavy foods that I can find.

So, that is exactly what I did. Quite literally, actually.

My fiancĂ©e and I made Fettuccine Alfredo with chicken (guess who was responsible for the chicken). We also had some garlic bread, that I unfortunately torched, but which was able to be salvaged by some liberal scraping. All these carbs were complemented by a nice salad of spinach with red and yellow bell peppers, shredded cheddar and Parmesan, ranch dressing, and some more carbs in the form of jumbo croutons. All said and done, it was satisfying.

But not too satisfying. I had just enough room for some sweet carbs after the dinner carb onslaught.

Just kidding. I had plenty of room left for more carbs! As if that's even a question. What you'll soon be looking at is a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie. A big chocolate chip oatmeal cookie. In fact a cast iron skillet-sized chocolate chip oatmeal cookie. And I know where you think this is going, but no, unfortunately I did not eat the entire thing. It was divided into 8 slices.

I did, however, eat it with a little a la mode treatment. I opted for chocolate ice cream (an obvious choice) instead of the more traditional vanilla, because chocolate.

And, to make all the bros of the world happy, I had a second slice. It just felt right. I couldn't not do it. So, I ended up with a quarter of a cast iron skillet-sized chocolate chip oatmeal cookie.

I regret nothing.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Hors What?

Today was a lot like yesterday, except without the hoisting of heaviness. And without the carbcentric gains. And ice cream. Alright, so today wasn't THAT similar to yesterday. First of all, be proud of me. I didn't have two dark chocolate squares for breakfast! Alight, now rescind your pride. The only reason I didn't have chocolate for breakfast is because I ran out yesterday. I did, however, replace the chocolate with a brotein granola bar, two of which I also had for lunch. And another one of which I had for a mid-afternoon snack (my dinner was to be delayed significantly). For those keeping score, that's a total of four brotein bars today, for a grand total of 40 grams of brotein, 60 grams of carbs, 680 calories, and 100% bro. Really, I owe the fact that I'm still sucking air to those things. Without them, I would literally be dead or extremely impoverished. I mean, have you seen the prices of food?

But anyway, blah blah blah brotein bars blah blah blah. That's not exciting. What IS exciting is variety. 

I had an oft-absent opportunity today to eat some interesting things. I attended and event that was catered by a local grocery store. The description of the culinary refreshments provided by the event staff included the phrase "heavy hors d'oeuvres." I wasn't sure exactly what this meant, but I was interested and anxious to find out.

It seems to me to be commonplace in the world of the hors d'oeuvre to be a small (obviously), interesting combination of ingredients that one may not initially think might go together. Or maybe it's just me, seeing as the only ingredients I know are brotein, carbs, and gains. Needless to say, there were some interesting and actually rather delicious offerings.

Nearest on the plate above is some kind of steak croissant. Yes, believe it or not, there was some brotein hiding among all those carbs. Immediately to the right is a carrot-olive oil concoction in a miniature tart shell thingy. Continuing counterclockwise, some peppers, green beans, and asparagus were welcomed familiar faces. On around now to the 11 o'clock position we find a cup made of bacon containing tiny apple pieces in bleu cheese. And last, but definitely not least, there is a cracker with an avocado and crab mixture gracing the top. I had multiples of each (except the bacon, apple, bleu cheese thing, because I am not fond of the latter).

But, as is to be expected, simple finger foods (at least the way I eat them) are no match for my cavernous stomach. I was simply not satiated. I needed more gains than hors d'oeuvres can provide. So we blast on to dinner. Today it again comes served in bowls. Steak soup. Boom.

Clearly, based on these photos, steak soup contains a lot more stuff than just steak. There're things like, carrots, potatoes, broccoli, beans, barley...the list goes on. I'm sure there's a Volkswagen Beetle in there somewhere. All of this comes together to provide amazing taste, a respectable amount of brotein, a few rogue carbs here and there, a bunch of wonderful nutrients, some beneficial fiber, and an economical way to commute!
After finishing two large bowls of the stuff, I sadly realized that I had neglected the dinner rolls that so desperately wanted to introduce more carbs into my life. Being a people-pleaser, I of course obliged.

And again, bread and butter simply can't be beat. This time, it was the sole dessert for the day, because even I have some self restraint. 

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Bro, it's time to GET HUGE!

First, the extreme repeats. Two dark chocolate squares for breakfast, two brotein granola bars for lunch/pre-workout. Check that, I had a third dark chocolate square at lunch time today, as it was the last one in the package. As mentioned, I played guest to the Bro Room today. I picked some stuff up and put it back down. Do I even lift? The answer is uncertain, although I occasionally enjoy acting as though I do. 

After my workout, I had two scoops of pure brotein. Chocolate brotein really is the safest bet when sifting through the now innumerable different flavors. I've also tried vanillas, chocolate mints, lemon meringues, strawberries, cookies and creams, chocolate peanut butter cups, and cinnamon buns, among others, and I always revert to chocolate. Maybe it's because chocolate-flavored brotein shakes afford the opportunity for natural flavors (i.e. cocoa powder) to be used instead of solely relying on artificial flavors and sweeteners to mask the true taste of pure whey. 

But I digress.

Let me un-digress. Having been to the gym, we all know that I not only needed some brotein, but I also needed gains in the form of carbs. Luckily, I found the best of both worlds tonight. Goulash is one of those superfoods I keep hearing about. Or at least I think it is. I could be misunderstanding the meaning of the term "superfood" but, to me, it's got everything I could want in a post-workout meal. I mean, it's got brotein. Check. It's got carbs. Check. What more could I want?? 

That being said, I held back in absolutely no way at all. I had two sizable bowls of the stuff.

For the first go around, I added a little shredded Parmesan cheese, mostly for garnish. Who am I kidding, I added it for the slight boost in brotein, and also for the fats. Also, cheese is just simply delicious. 

Remember that "cheese is just simply delicious" assertion? The encore featured some more Parmesan, this time in block form, with some shredded mozzarella thrown in as well. Again, because delicious. 

I wanted some dessert, but I wanted to wait a little while while my stomach processed the gains just consumed. I needed a snack, obviously, to hold me over until it was time for dessert. I turned to an all-time great. It's the bread and butter of snack foods.

Quite literally, it was bread and butter. But now it was time for dessert. And on days during which much hoisting was done, that can only mean one thing. ICE CREAM. There were several options to choose from, so I did what most bros would do. I didn't choose.

All things considered, this was one of the most successful bro days yet. Moving forward, I hope to build on this and push myself to the very limit of brohood. We'll see how long I last.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Same Bro, Same Bro

I'm not one to complain about food (unless it involves a tomato or pickle), and I won't be doing that today. However, I know that variety is the spice of life. Unfortunately, I don't have the desire nor the financial backing to dine at 5-star restaurants every day. Or fast food restaurants for that matter. So what does that leave? Leftovers! Leftovers are a polarizing entity within the culinary community. Some people love them, and some hate. In my opinion, there are certain foods that only get better with age, to a point. Most pasta dishes, for example, are tastier the next day. They increase likewise, and should only be thrown away when fuzzy stuff starts growing on the surface. But other leftovers have a place in my heart too. Brotein-heavy meals are always welcome to a bro trying to get huge, so when there are leftovers fitting this description, bros become happy bros. Today, I was a happy bro.

But first, the mundane. The unexciting, uninteresting, truly dull part of today must be mentioned, if not for more than simple formality's sake. If I were to ask almost anyone to guess as to the components of my breakfast and lunch, by now I'm sure darn near everyone could correctly guess.

Again I had two dark chocolate squares for breakfast, and two brotein granola bars for lunch.

For my first dinner, I revisited yesternight's offering. The egg, potato, ham, cheese, gravy, cottage cheese, and onion casserole. I had the chilled variant today as I was deep in study. It was almost as good cold as it was hot. Either way, this combination of gains mixed with some gains was delicious and packed with gains.

Later in the evening, for my second dinner, I revisited the dinner of a number of nights ago. It's another serving of gains with some gains mixed in.

I do not know when I may venture back out into the diversity-laden world of food, but when I do, I'll stuff my face and report back.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Stop Talking About My Eggs!

We're duck brothers!!

Alright, all creepy dog cartoon references aside, eggs are REALLY great. Like really, really great. And on days where you destroy yourself in the gym, eggs combined with a few carbs and some wholesome fats really can't be beat. And as it so happens, that is EXACTLY what happened today! Imagine that! But anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. So, let's back up, and take things nice and slow.

A good place to get started for the day is breakfast. I had my ever more usual breakfast of two 86% cocoa dark chocolate squares. It really is worth it. All those healthy antioxidants, and at a rock bottom price of...amazing flavor!

I didn't eat again until around noon, when I had my again ever more usual two protein granola bars. This also served as my pre-workout for the day, as I went to the gym directly afterward. Recently, I decided to start attending bro sessions three times a week instead of just two. With this increase in time afforded to getting huge, I can expand my repertoire of lifts to also include some leg stuff! See, unfortunately, acting like a bro in the gym can lead to an excess of upper body workouts. Right now, I'm probably right around the likes of the 60 watt club. But, through perseverance and hard work, I can even myself out and dim down low enough to join the 25 watt club. But I'll take strength. Mental strength.

But so, upon returning to my bro den, barely able to walk, and in need of dire gains, I turned to a quick source of carbs to quicken the muscle recovery process. Now, don't judge me too hard, but I ate two slices of bread. Just bread. But here's where it gets interesting. In order to more efficiently deliver the carbs to my muscles (i.e. eat the bread as fast as possible), I have devised two methods, as shown below.

The first method, shown on the left in the photo above, is the roll technique. Simply fold the slice of bread in half, then roll along the long edge. Proceed to eat like a distantly-related snack food item. The other method, illustrated on the right in the photo above, is the "roll and squeeze" method. First, crudely roll the bread into a loose ball. Then, take the bread ball in your fist and squeeze your little heart out. Additional rolls and squeezes may be needed, but usually one is enough. Then place entire bread ball into mouth, chew a few times, and swallow. Of the two methods, I find the latter to be most effective at carb-to-muscle transit expedition.

But now on to the real gains story of the day. The way above-mentioned allusion to pure gains (eggs) was just what I really needed. Specifically, I needed this egg, cheese, potato, ham, gravy, cottage cheese, and onion casserole. Gains = deliciousness. What more could a bro ask for?!

But, even after these amazing gains, I still felt a little torn down. I felt weak, and muscles were screaming at me. So, being the wonderfully understanding muscle landlord ever, I listened to their demands. Here is what I provided them.

But don't assume that I just stuffed my face with sugar. This really wasn't THAT much. One little truffle, one small chocolate square, and not even a single serving of ice cream. All in all, the bro assessment: it was just enough.

Sunday, January 24, 2016


Eggs are wonderful. Especially farm fresh eggs. They're egg-stra wonderful. Ok, I'm done with all the cheesy egg jokes. That's no yolk(!). But really. In all seriousness, when brotein is scarce, eggs are a bro life saver. For example, let's say you have a carb heavy breakfast. What's a bro to do? More carbs would just make matters much worse, so any source of carb-free brotein is worth it's weight in, well, brotein! Take today as a defining example. I may have had a slightly car heavy breakfast. And by slightly carb heavy, I mean I ate 4 cinnamon rolls. Yeah, I know.

And yes, I can count. I know there're only two in this picture. But don't worry, I had two more after this.

With all those carbs in my system, I didn't eat for the rest of the day. This way, as my body used energy throughout the day, it would use my these carbs and then glycogen stores, instead of additional energy from any other foods I may have eaten. That's some BroScience 101 for you right there. That being said, however, I fasted until fairly late at night. And then, oh then, I feasted. I had 4 eggs, over easy, 3 moderately sized slices of smoked ham, and some potato cakes. It was glorious. It was oh so glorious. This is where the eggs come in as the savior of my day. I don't know what I'd do without them, but luckily I do not have to worry about it. At least not yet.