Saturday, June 4, 2016

Two Bros Go GOLFING!!

BREAKING NEWS: At about 11:58 this morning, two confirmed bros escaped from the local gym. Both of them were wearing tank tops and headed in the direction of the Village Greens in Ozawkie, Kansas. Both of them are known to carry multiple guns and should be considered armed and extremely dangerous. If sighted, unless you speak Bro, you are advised to not approach these bros. Any attempts at communication will result in bizarre snapping and weird sputtering sounds, with occasional flexing of underdeveloped muscles.

But Saturday = Market, and Market = Breakfast Burrito.

Scott them came and picked me up, and we headed over to Overland Park. This is what we found:

This Ferrari 330 is a rolling work of art.

This Ferrari F355 has straight pipes and is loud and sounds so good.

There was also a Ferrari Testarossa...

...a BMW i8...

...some more Ferraris (458s)...

...and a random Porsche 911 GT3RS.

Just three 458s, no big deal.

But we had to get back to Lawrence to pick Sidney up and head out to the golf course! Today was the day of the Tonganoxie Civic Club annual golf tournament fundraiser. But before we left, I fueled up with a brotein bar.

And when we arrived at the golf course, I found some more food!

The brisket was really good, as was the potato salad. So what was I to do?

Make a brisket potato salad sandwich, of course!

Then it was time to head out onto the course to begin our day of bro golfing. 

Scott and I, being bros, were of course wearing tank tops. 

Now, being a bro that doesn't golf that much (once a year), I'm not the best at keeping track of my golf balls. I've been known to lose a few. I looked in my bag, and I only had 10 with me. With the addition of 3 complementary golf balls for the tournament, I was up to 13. But that's still kind of pushing it. If I were to lose one golf ball for every hole, I would run out before the end. Sidney's parents were aware of my worries, so they took matters into their own hands. 

It just so happened that they were the group that was directly in front of us. So, at almost every hole, this is what I found:

They were even so kind as to leave me a whole box of golf balls with a detailed explanation.

This went on until I had 18 extra golf balls. 

Surprisingly, though, with the tutelage of semi-brofessional golf instructor Scott, I managed to play far above my skill level. I only lost 4 balls, and three of them were on one hole where the tee box was directly behind a massive lake. I'm not counting those. So really, I only lost 1 ball due to my severe slicing skills.

After the tournament had concluded, I took advantage of my two free drink vouchers. 

I didn't drink these then, though. I'm saving them for a cheat day.

We then went to JalapeƱo's in Tonganoxie. 

I only had 2 chips with a lot of salsa on each. It's good salsa.

I ordered a grilled chicken with chorizo and cheese sauce on top. It came with beans and rice, but I opted for double beans.

It was so good that I wanted to eat like 10 of these plates. And I could've. I wish I would've. 

And that was that! Two bros survived a day of golfing and I ate some good food without getting huge. Sprinkle in some Ferraris on top of that and you got yourself a pretty darn good day right there!

Friday, June 3, 2016

Birthday Cake Bonanza

Today brought with it another very unassuming, although scenic, start.

I then went and volunteered at the hospital.

Later in the day, I returned to Sidney's house, where her cousin was celebrating his 6th birthday. The food for the festivities included pulled pork with BBQ sauce, cole slaw...

...and some mac and cheese.

And, being a birthday party, there of course had to be cake! It was a white cake with whipped frosting.

Unfortunately, after I had had my piece, there was only one piece left. No one seemed to want it, so when Sidney offered to split it with me, I simply could not say no. So I had one and a half slices of cake. Come at me, bro!

I then met my mom so that she could deliver my golf clubs to me. We met in a parking lot near the Legends Outlets, and we decided to get a light meal at Arby's.

I got the basic crispy chicken sandwich, minus the tomatoes, of course.

It was pretty good, and definitely satisfied any cravings I may have had.

My mom ordered a couple sliders, and one of them was the Buffalo chicken one. She offered me a bite, so I accepted!

It was actually really, really good!! I could literally eat at least 10 of those things, but I won't. I'm not huge anymore, after all!

Thursday, June 2, 2016


Another day, another unassuming start.

But then I made good on a deal I made with Sidney yesterday. You see, while we still at the game, but a little while after we had eaten, Sidney got hungry again. She said she was in the mood for a chili dog, but she didn't want to pay the extremely inflated ballpark prices. So I suggested that we could swing by Sonic on the way home, to which she seemed overjoyed. But as the game went on, we got tired, and after the game we had no energy to go to Sonic. So we agreed that it would be postponed until the next day.

Well, it was now the next day. So...

The chili dog and tots were hers, but the fries... the fries were mine!

Muahahahahaha!! Yes, I broke down and ordered fries. But it was the smallest option they had, and with a claimed 280 calories, I could make up for it later. I did sample one of her tots, but I volunteered some fries as payment, so it came out about even. Potato for potato.

Let me introduce you to later in the day. Being Thursday, Sidney and I made her cookies for the Farmers' Market this weekend. And, like before, there was a little surplus dough from two separate cookies. Thus another Frankencookie was born! It lives!! IT LIVES!!!!!

But that was still for later. First, I had some making up to do, remember? And what do I do when I have to make up some serious brotein ground?? I turn to my go to, my ol' faithful, my bread and butter. Ok, it's neither bread nor butter, but it is chicken!!

Today, in an attempt to mix it up a little bit, I didn't grill it on the George Foreman grill, I didn't grill it on a traditional grill, and I didn't bake it. No, I melted some butter in a pan and pan fried these things! I added my traditional seasonings of garlic and onion powders, and BOOM!!

With 22 ounces of chicken staring me down, even chicken as good looking as this, I knew I needed something to dip it in. Any kind of chicken in such high quantities must be supplemented with something, but what would it be this time? I had had too much hot sauce too recently, and ranch is too high in calories. I looked through the fridge, and I settled on Miracle Whip!!! I know, I know, eww, right? Well, it was actually pretty good. So there.

Now... it was time. See, eating this much chicken not only made up for my previous french fry binge, but it gave me a little extra room for something sweet. Behold: mutilated Frankencookie!!

Half chocolate chip, half devil's chocolate, this heavyweight in the cookie class hails from Cookie Kingdom, home of the Cookie Queen! It was worth every bite.

And, if you ask the Cookie Queen herself, you just can't have a cookie without some milk. Not one to disobey royalty, I had a small glass.

Then Sidney was in a crafty mood, so we went down to the art room and evoked our inner artists.

There's only one problem with that. Sidney's inner artist is always active and ready to perform, and actually makes up quite a bit of her personality. My inner artist, on the other hand, is a lazy and drunken vagabond who may be here one moment but then gone the next. And in the moments that he shows up, he is usually too far gone to be of any good use. This is evidenced by my painting above.

In stark contrast, check out Sidney's painting below.

Hers actually looks like something that you wouldn't be ashamed to hang a wall in your house that's not right above the toilet or in the furnace room.

But then we moved on to other forms of creative expression. This form was Mod Podge. I was renewed with hope and high expectations of myself. I mean, how hard could it be to glue paper to glass? Well, it turns out it's harder than I expected. But the results were still pretty much in line with what I was going for.

Extra points to anyone who can guess which one is mine and which one is Sidney's.

Here is what they look like in the dark with little tealight candles.

Sidney and I then lit every candle in her room, and let me tell you, she has a lot of candles. In reality, there were around 20 candles lit in this relatively small room. All I'll say is that it looked very romantic, it smelled very good, and it was very, very hot! It felt like we were standing in a makeshift pizza oven, and we were the pizzas! But it was worth it for the prettiness and smell goodiness. And it's amazing how bright little candles can be when there are a lot of them!