Gains: The Exposé

There really isn't anything too glamorous about hard core gains. But mass media has so entangled nutrition into varying forms of absurdity that no one really knows what the heck's going on. That's where I step in. In preparation of my vitals examination tomorrow, I've been focusing more on extreme gains, and I thought I would share my secrets. First, I'm eating more brotein and less carbs. And since today I didn't lift a thing other than my own two feet a couple thousand times, missing some carbs isn't the worst thing ever. For breakfast, I had a protein granola bar, and for lunch, I had two more.

So with this nutrition amounting to 30 grams of brotein and a little bit of carbs to keep me awake throughout the day, I powered on through to dinner. For a meal of raw, savage gains, I once more wanted to focus on eating a hefty serving of wholesome brotein. So for that reason, I ate the same thing as I did yesterday. But hey, it could be worse. I could be eating the same thing literally every day. And this is why I am thankful that I'm not a dog. Because if I were a dog, I wouldn't be eating slow roasted barbecued pork and mashed potatoes. But only a little potatoes, because no brotein.

But this one, lowly, solitary plate was surely not enough. Gains must be made, remember! So more, more, more!

And yes, yes I know this looks weird. But ranch is my nectar. It's the secret ingredient that helps me get huge. So there you go. You know my secret. You're welcome, and have a nice day.