Vitamin G

Today was another landmark day in the arena of getting huge. Today was so extreme that even I am a little concerned. It started off really slow though. It was a travel day. The first leg of our return trip lasted about more than twelve hours in-car, so there was no time to truly get huge. But don't worry, I snacked on some crackers, taffy, and a pecan cluster along the way, and my ever so thoughtful fiancée was kind enough to get me two of my favorite sugar-laden delicacies. It's tough to beat strawberry lemonade and Sour Patch Kids, especially when riding in a car. I also had a chicken salad sandwich on potato bread.

The rest of the day was, as mentioned, slow as a bro wearing his cutoff in the snow. But this is where it turns up. This, my bros, is where the real fun begins. It just so happens (not so coincidentally) that the first leg of the journey back home ended in Memphis. What's the significance of Memphis? Beale Street. And the significance of Beale Street? Well, the Blues. But for my purposes, the significance of Beale Street is Dyer's. Yes, Dyer's. This world-famous burger place is a little unconventional, but in all the right ways. First, they use a different cooking method. They deep-fry their burgers. But of course that's not where it ends. The grease they use to fry their burgers hasn't been changed since the place opened in 1912. You read that correctly. That's more than one hundred (100) years/a century/five score/ten decades/a tenth of a millennium. And they still cook their burgers in it. They even offer to deep fry the bun with it! Talk about a greasy burger! But I'll tell you there's not a better way to get your yearly dose of Vitamin G.

So, having the rare pleasure to be in Memphis and to be visiting Dyer's, and not knowing if or when I may return, and being a bro trying to get huge, I made the most of my time there. I ordered two doubles, one with bacon and one without. I got a side of fries.

I ended up sampling the chicken strips when my fiancée was unable to physically stuff any more food into herself. And after all this, I still felt slightly Vitamin G deficient, so I split a deep-fried Twinkie with three other people. It came with vanilla ice cream, strawberry sauce, and some powdered sugar.

So believe me when I say that I got my yearly recommended dose of Vitamin G today, because at this point I feel as though I'm sweating pure grease, which actually doesn't sound half bad!